VOICES

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“It’s all good. Life’s perfect! The sun cannot shine any brighter than it already is shining. Look around yourself, Everything is so beautiful.” An everyday exchange of dialogue between my head and my conscious. What else do i want? My life don’t suck. I have everything i wanted, Everything i ever dreamt of, Everything i wished for. But this is just the start. When the morning ritual comes to an end that’s when the cracks show up on this “beautiful” castle of glass. Come afternoon and the annoying phase begins. “Why isn’t this in the right place? Just who the hell is he to tell me what to do? Oh My god! Why is there so much traffic? Why is the sun blasting heat like it’s some kind of a furnace? Just what the hell is wrong with this weather?” Understandable. Might have been a long day. Or maybe just maybe i was complaining about the right things. As much as i try to convince myself i should’ve known i was wasting my time and should’ve started praying that it was the end of it, but my god was i so wrong. Sun is setting and the evening begins. That’s when the monsters start showing up. “Is someone following me back home? Are the cops gonna stop me for speeding? Did i just commit a hit and run? Why are my co workers so ignorant? Is my boss blind for not seeing and praising me for the work i did? Just who the fuck are these people and why the fuck am i taking orders from them huh?” Jesus Christ if only you gave me the ability to stop things before reaching the breaking point, but nope you cunning bastard you had to push me didn’t you? Night settles and that’s when the paranoia kicks in and of course that son of a bitch is overdosed with insomnia because why the hell not! A state of dread so high that saying i am jaded inside would be an understatement! “Is someone trying to kill me? Why am i living alone in my house? I had a dog with me didn’t i? You know what? I have had enough with these assholes, i am gonna kill these fuckers now!” I get up to get my gun but manage to stop myself, like the whole world is pulling me away from this madness. I lie down. Push the pillow right down my ears and force myself to sleep.

Next morning i wake up, feeling as positive as anything can be. I get over with my morning ritual and in due course of time find myself in the same loop. I push myself harder and am able to get over with the day. Another day begins but the same cycle repeats. Same thing happens the day after and the day after that and the week after that and the month after that. The moment i started believing that i got used to it was the moment the true colors of me being a dumb ass fool started revealing themselves.  You see, as much as i thought i am used to it now there was but one thing that i somehow managed to ignore and that was the voices were becoming louder and louder everyday. It started feeling like the voices were me, as they slowly started taking control my actions. The Schizophrenia was real. But i still kept winning this battle against my mind. Until today. I leave my house to buy some groceries without any clue that i was packing my gun with me. In the parking lot i go near my car that’s when all hell breaks loose. I see my neighbour, real nice chap, who came near me to say hi. I don’t know what i heard or what i made of it but instead of responding i punch him right in his face. It felt like he was threatening me or maybe even insulting me. Before he could say anything i punch him again and again till he loses a few of his teeth and his mouth started bleeding. With zero control of my self i pull out my gun and aim it at his carcass. But somehow, right at that very moment, my eyes open knowing that i have taken it too far this time, i see myself aiming a gun at me. I am baffled. Shock isn’t something that can define this moment. Scared and confused i ask the unarmed me “Who are you?”And his response leaves me shellshocked. “I am you. The REAL you. I am also the guy whom you are pointing a gun at. I am also each and every single person whom you have known or not known. But i am the real them. I am the one you lock in the deepest, darkest place in your conscious. I am the one you don’t want your friends and family to see. I am the one who hides behind your 5000$ suit like a shadow, the one who is the opposite of class in your parties where you drink expensive champagne. Kid. I am the one by whom you are so scared that you decide to lock me away in a chest in some far away corner of your soul and forget about the key. But don’t be scared because after all i am YOU. The true you. And this time i broke free of that chest and have no plans to go back inside.” I hear him and then i look at my neighbour, tears dripping from his eyes saying “please don’t do this” while the “real” me stands right in front of my barrel and screams “DO IT!” Emotion, confusion, turmoil. It feels like the weight of the whole world is on my shoulders. I resist. I insist. But after a long period talking to myself. I pull the trigger.

 

 

Totally a work of fiction.

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WEIRD DREAM?

Grim_Reaper

We all dream don’t we? And today of all days i had this this dream which i cannot define as to why i had or what was it. In simple words i can say it was the weirdest and the most scariest thing that i’ve ever seen till date which sent shivers down my spine and i really can’t get it out of my head. So i decided the best way to get it off my chest was to write about it. Lets begin now shall we?

Jump back to my childhood home. And to let you guys know a basic layout of the place i used to live in, i’ll describe that area a wee bit. It was a colony with a HUGE park at the center of it and god knows how many buildings and apartments. I used to live in a house which was in the corner of my lane and the way from the park to my house was pretty straight forward and short.

So. The dream begins and it’s just me and my friend walking through the park towards my house with no one to be seen and only silence to be heard. We don’t think of the situation as to being unusual and continue our march. Almost at the exit and the weather goes dark, like a huge storm is about to hit us. The best way for you to understand it is lets say the “grey” filter from the movies was applied to our surroundings. I look up and all i see is a sea of vultures flying over my head. And all of a sudden i hear a million dogs crying all at once. I look forward and i see Grim Reaper sulking into the corner as he was there only to make sure that i saw him and notice that he was hiding from my sight. For reasons unknown i don’t say anything and leave the park. At the gate of the park i turn around and tell my friend that “someone’s trying to kill me”. He looks at me, laughs and says “you are out of your mind. Shut up and enjoy the beautiful weather.” I just look back again and i see an old man with only half a face who has a huge rifle aimed at me. I duck down and run towards my street. My friend disappears and i see two snakes battling or playing and when i stop near them they just look and me and “hiss” as to they were trying to tell me something. I couldn’t get it so i ignore that and walk towards my house when suddenly a guy comes running towards me with a bucket of acid in his hands. My legs just stops responding so i duck down on that very spot. A couple minutes later i look up again and see that the man has disappeared and there a stray dog standing right there and barking at me with a volume so loud that it will tear my eardrums. I run towards my house and the dog just stands there barking. Right when i stop, take a breath and am happy that i am about to enter my house i see what appears to be atleast a dozen nuns all with bloodied knives and cleavers in their hands. I stop and look at them for a second and they just do the same. I start taking steps backwards and they start moving towards me. I get scared and i start increasing my pace but so do they. Scared and Panicked i fall down on my head running backwards and at that very moment i wake up. Scared. Breathing heavily and Sweating.

I know it’s nothing worth writing but it is a story after all. And the part that is bothering me the most is that i was scared and defenceless in my own dream. It felt like i was transported into some other reality or someone else’s dream who hates me. It’s just scary and uncomfortable at least to me so i figured maybe writing about it will make me not think about it anymore.

Anyway, thanks for reading something personal of mine.