This is not something original, it’s just an initiative that’s trying to come to light and in my opinion should find its right spot as it’s very important. So I am writing my opinion towards it.
I know you want your kid to shine bright in his/her future and I know that you worry over the fact “what if he/she doesn’t make it then what will happen?” But your kid is also worried about that and this fact is quite simply ignored. Exams are approaching/ongoing and kids of all ages are working their assess off to get a good grade. What’s at fault is that them trying is not enough. For you.
Blaming them for not doing good the last time or asking them to study for 10 hours a day is not a solution or is it? In your vision it might be but what you are forgetting is that the kid that you raised has a life and that he/she is also a living breathing creature who can feel. I know your worries are reasonable, that too in a time and age where competition is an ever present reality but having faith in your kid is the one and only solution, not accusing them or suppressing them. You do realise that he/she follows whatever you say because he/she is so petrified by you that even the thought of saying no or questioning your choice or even giving their opinion on what you told them send shivers down their spine instead of them liking what you say. They just do it because they feel helpless.
You don’t hesitate for a second to tell them that your friends or neighbours kids did something better than what they are doing and find it a means of motivating them but the truth is you are demotivating them and simply underestimating them. They already know that they are not doing that great so please STOP pointing their mistakes if you cannot rectify them by holding their hands. Screaming, shouting or even telling them that “you are gonna destroy yourself if you keep going like this” is not a step that’s taking them in the right direction it’s just spoiling their mood, your mood and most importantly the atmosphere of your house.How much time do you actually give them? How many hours a day do you spend with them talking about them and their lives? How comfortable they are with you? Have you asked yourself these questions? The kid you have in your house probably feels like he/she lives with a stranger. They might have a hidden talent like painting or singing or dancing or even something far more amazing and uncommon and may want to show that to you but doesn’t because you cannot stop choking them with studies. Your kid can’t even build up a nerve to ask you to get him/her something that you can and will get him because he/she is Unknown to what he/she will get as a response.
Particularly in a country like ours there’s a very stupid and funny myth turned custom that the minute the child comes to life and is a boy, his parents declare he’ll be an engineer and if is a girl, then she’ll be a doctor. Seriously? The child doesn’t even know how to say “mom” or “dad” and you decide his profession? You didn’t even bother asking him/her? What if he/she doesn’t want to do that? Or what if he/she is not capable of doing that? Then what? You’ll scream at them, scold them or disown them? Just because they can’t or don’t want to do what you want them to do? Don’t set expectation for your kids without giving your 100% towards helping them executing YOUR expectations. Perhaps, don’t set expectations for them AT ALL! Let them set their own expectations. Let them have their own targets/goals. And if you end up setting those expectations for them, then please also be ready to get disappointed. They are thankful and grateful that you take great care of them and put their needs and demands first. So if they respect you so much please respect them back too. They have sleepless nights, they feel suffocated, they don’t feel like themself when all this pressure from you is being forced on them. You tell them “do well in life, stand tall make yourself proud” but the truth is YOU ARE MAKING YOURSELF PROUD THROUGH THEM and you don’t actually give a damn about them even if you put a lot of hard work on them.
Kids these days are smart enough to distinguish between right and wrong and they know what works for them and what doesn’t. They also know how to get the best out of themselves. Yes, there are those who do nothing and get drifted to the dark side of life and literally waste their time doing nothing and grow up way before their age but those kids are spotted from a mile away. If your kid wants a bright future he/she will work towards it without a doubt. He/she will not venture into the dark side. Trust them. Yes they want to watch TV or play video games or go out in the park. Let them go and enjoy. They’ll finish their work a few hours late but they will finish it. It’s their age to enjoy so let them enjoy also. Perhaps you stopping them from doing all this is what takes them to the bad side and may even give birth to hatred towards you which may last for the rest of their life. Don’t tell me you want to lose your kid forever just over not letting him/her play in the park for a few extra hours. You want to direct their life but you end up dictating their life unknowingly or purposely, I don’t know. Stop telling them that they cannot do it and start saying “yes you can!”. Stop comparing them with someone else and let them be their own entity. Stop making choices for them and let them make their own choices. Stop scaring them and start talking to them and make them feel less like a stranger and more like a family member which they actually are. And most importantly STOP EXPECTING FROM THEM AND START BELIEVEING IN THEM.
The purpose of education is not to score good marks or get us good jobs but is a means to make us a better human being. And if we are a good enough human being then nothing, and I mean NOTHING in this world can stop us from being what we want.
This is not to each and every single parent out there. But hey! please understand us as the schools, collages and our education system denies to do so. You are our only ray of light in this dark tunnel so please don’t get blocked by the rocks. The one and only thing we respect and love the most in our life is YOU and are honoured, grateful and lucky to have parents like you but please trust us.
A kid who’s is trying his best to make his mother proud and has definitely faced/is facing almost all these problems in his life.